please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
