**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
