I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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