dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
