and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
