he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
