I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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