It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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