my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
