I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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