oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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