Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
