who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
