I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Im part way to drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
