Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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