First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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