Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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