Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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