Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
