Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We need a shit load of segways right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
