i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
