Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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