actually, I'm a sock model
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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