she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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