My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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