Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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