My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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