Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
