East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
