So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
