She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
