Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
