The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Still dying that you shit outside
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
