Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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