ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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