I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's great music for shaving your balls
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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