I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
