to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize