i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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