sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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