I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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