Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
