he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
