just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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