i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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