I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
40s are totally the cure
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize