Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
