Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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