Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
