Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
