My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come share oat with me in your robe
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
