Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
