He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
