so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
