If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
