Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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