ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
