dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
