If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
