I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
