Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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