Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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