i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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