I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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